


For the future.

by kinghinatatobio (redhoodedwolf)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Allusions to panic attacks, Angst, Day 5: Crossover, I am so sorry, M/M, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukkiyama Month 2017, check end notes for extra fluff, free eternal summer makoharu fireworks scene, i take care of y'all don't worry, it hurts me too, no knowledge of free! necessary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 15:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12656571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhoodedwolf/pseuds/kinghinatatobio
Summary: Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are third years now, preparing for the first step to starting the rest of their lives. But though he has the ability and scouts at his heels, Tsukishima is reluctant to further his volleyball career into university. Yamaguchi finally decides it's time to have a talk about their future.





	For the future.

**Author's Note:**

> For Tsukkiyama Month 2017 Day 5: Crossover  
> Blame Free Take Your Marks for this, showing me that scene again and reminding me how well it would fit with tsukkiyama  
> You do not need to have seen free to get this at all btw

            “I thought I might find you here.” Yamaguchi’s voice was light, breaking through the night air.

            “In my own house? Groundbreaking,” Kei droned. He stared up at the dark starlit sky. The moon was large and bright. He felt like it eclipsed him.

            Yamaguchi just chuckled softly, not taking the harsh words offensively. Kei almost wanted him to.

            “Tsukki…”

            Kei hunched his shoulders, tightened his jaw. And so it begins. _Again_.

            “…I don’t think this is really where you wanna be.”

            Kei felt his chest tighten. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now, not with Yamaguchi, maybe not ever.

            Yamaguchi ducked his head and leaned over the railing, breathing in deep and taking in the night air. Kei watched his eyelids flutter with the action. “I didn’t think that I would say that.” Kei raised an eyebrow, catching Yamaguchi’s eyes, before turning his head to look out over the neighborhood. The sliding glass door was still open; Yamaguchi hadn’t shut it.

            Yamaguchi continued. “I didn’t think pushing you would ever work out. You’re smart, you can make your own choices. If this was what you were doing, then that was what you wanted to do, so it was always fine.”

            Kei had a sudden memory of first year, at that summer training camp, where Yamaguchi had snapped at him. He wondered if he was going to be yelled at in the same fashion today as well.

            Yamaguchi seemed to have a similar train of thought, because he let out a laugh. “Well, I guess once or twice I decided against that.” Kei knew Yamaguchi was trying to catch his gaze, but he didn’t allow it. Yamaguchi huffed out a soft sigh. “But usually, I respect your choices, because you know best for yourself. Despite what the coach or even Akiteru-kun may say.”

            Kei flinched at the sound of his brother’s name. Flashes of a conversation, then a fight, fly through his mind. A thrown volleyball shoe. Enraged shining eyes.

            “ _I’m not going to go off and make an attempt only to return a failure, like you.”_

            “Tsukki I don’t know what he said to you, or you to him…” Yamaguchi swallowed and licked his lips. “But I think I can guess.”

            _Here it is._

            A hand settled overtop of Kei’s, and he was so surprised he didn’t immediately shake it off, but he flinched, fingers curling tighter over the bar of the railing.

            “If you want to keep everything the same as it is, continuing volleyball at this level only, I will support you. I won’t say a word.”

            Kei grit his teeth. _Then why are you here_ , he wanted to ask but didn’t.

            “But.” Yamaguchi hesitated, seemed to find his resolve, and started again. “But if it’s because you think you _shouldn’t_ …or can’t…I don’t want you to think that way.”

            A harsh laugh left Kei, too quickly for him to take back. It was Yamaguchi’s turn to flinch. Kei turned towards him head-on now, anger coursing through his veins once again. This was the third time in two days this kind of talk had come up and he was exhausted and _pissed_.

            “You don’t want me to think that way?” he mocked Yamaguchi’s words. He ignored the flash of hurt in his best friend’s eyes. Kei was rarely truly malicious towards Yamaguchi, but this time he meant every inflection, and Yamaguchi knew that. “Is that so easily done? To just…” he flicked his wrist out to the side, and Yamaguchi’s eyes followed it briefly. “… _stop_ thinking that way?”

            Yamaguchi’s eyes narrowed. “Tsukki you know that’s not what I—”

            “Forget it,” Kei snapped. They were both silent for a beat. “If that’s all…” Kei turned to leave, foot hovering over the threshold to the house.

            “Wait!” A hand came around his wrist and tugged him back outside, Kei almost tripping to stay righted. Yamaguchi’s eyes burned now, passionate.

            “Let go of me, Yamaguchi.” Kei tore his arm out of Yamaguchi’s grasp, pulling it close to his chest and rubbing at the spot as if the touch had hurt. Yamaguchi didn’t even look a little bit sorry.

            “Let me talk!” Yamaguchi yelled.

            Kei took in a deep, shaky breath, nostrils flaring. “Nothing you have to say will be anything different than what I’ve already heard!” Kei hissed back. “You can’t just change how you feel, it doesn’t work like that! This is what I want—!”

            Yamaguchi didn’t even wait for him to finish before reaching out for him again, securing an even tighter hold around Kei’s wrist. “You’re lying!” Yamaguchi cried, voice going shrill. “You want to! You want to even though you don’t think you do!”

            “And how does that work, huh?” Kei released his words sharply, like a slap. “You know my thoughts and feelings better than I do?”

            “Yes!” Yamaguchi said with such confidence, Kei almost wavered. Almost. “And you should! You have an amazing ability, you know you do, and you should use it! You could go Pro!”

            “God, even you!” Kei spat, Yamaguchi recoiling. “You’re just regurgitating the same words, the same _shit_ that everyone else has been saying! What I do with my life is my choice! If I choose to drop volleyball now it’s because I want to! This is my choice alone.”

            “But you _don’t_!” Yamaguchi’s voice echoed in the night. Kei was sure he’d get a noise complaint from neighbors later, but he really couldn’t care about anything right now. “You _don’t_ want to!”

            Kei’s breath hitched. Yamaguchi’s grip tightened even further around his wrist, as if sensing his instinct to flee. There were tears gathering in Yamaguchi’s eyes. He had always been _weak_.

            No. No, that wasn’t true. But Kei was just _so pissed off_ right now he couldn’t think straight.

            “That’s the reason we’re saying this!” Yamaguchi was still going. “All of us. Our senpais, our teammates, _Akiteru_ …” Kei would have flinched again if he wasn’t beginning to shake with rage. Yamaguchi leaned further into his space. There were tear tracks staining his flushed cheeks, chilled by the night wind. “… _and me_ , Tsukki. We all love and care about you.” Yamaguchi wiped his arm over his face, rubbing at the skin harshly with his jacket sleeve, sniffling. His eyes met Kei’s immediately after, hardened even more. But there was something else swimming in them as well. Desperation.

            “Why can’t you understand that?” Yamaguchi’s voice broke. Kei felt something in him snap as well. “All we want is for you to be happy with what you _truly_ want. For your future.”

            Kei shoved, using his captured wrist as leverage, and Yamaguchi staggered back, but managed to stay on his feet, carrying Tsukishima tripping forward with him. “Why can’t you just leave me alone huh?!” Kei yelled. “You’re always trying to butt into my life, into everything I do. What is your problem?!”

            Yamaguchi’s eyes were blown open wide, taking each blow Kei’s words dished out.

            Kei laughed humorlessly, pushing his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose. “ _My_ wants, _my_ future, what _I_ feel I shouldn’t… what about _you_ , Yamaguchi? What’s your future look like, huh? Since you seem to be such an expert on deciding _mine_!” He laughed again. “You haven’t even decided for _yourself_!”

            Yamaguchi continued to stare wide-eyed at him, lips parted in shock. Kei panted, the boiling rage beginning to dissipate, like steam into the wind. As it did, his shoulders dropped from their hunched positions, spine straightening so that he was leaning less into Yamaguchi and more over. But Yamaguchi had yet to move, and it seemed he may not even be breathing.

            “Say something,” Kei ordered.

            Yamaguchi blinked rapidly, as if coming out of a trance. Slowly, his mouth closed shut, wide eyes relaxing as his gaze drifted to the ground. Kei watched and felt as Yamaguchi’s grip on his wrist unfurled and then dropped, leaving a warm impression behind.

            “I _have_.”

            Kei’s body went ice cold.

            “What?”

            Yamaguchi met his eyes. His face spoke nothing of his passion from before. Now he just looked…resigned. “I _have_ decided.”

            The night became silent. All Kei could hear was the rapid beating of his heart, and the intake of breath Yamaguchi took before he began to speak.

            “I’m going to a university in Tokyo.”

            The front door to the house slammed closed. “Kei? Are you home?” The distant voice of his mother brought the sound back. But nothing felt right. Blood rushed in his ears. Were his eyes even still open? All of his senses seemed out of whack. All he could hear were those words repeated, over and over. _I’m going to a university in Tokyo. I’m going to a university. I’m going to Tokyo._

            _I’m going._

            “I meant to tell you sooner, Tsukki, I swear.” Yamaguchi was still talking, but the words barely reached Kei. “I just wasn’t ready yet.”

            “Kei? Is Tadashi here?”

            Yamaguchi’s mouth opened again, but Kei was through with listening. He didn’t want to hear another sound.

            “Do what you want.” Kei meant for the words to come out emotionless, the way he felt. But his voice was weak, all of the energy suddenly zapped from him. His wrist ached. His heart ached. His voice cracked.

            Kei turned and fled.

            He ignored his mother in the front room as he dashed down the hall towards his bedroom, throwing open the door and slamming it shut, the wall rattling with the force of his throw.

            He scrambled for his headphones, throwing them over his ears, and almost breaking the jack as he forced it into his phone, allowing the first song his shaking fingers could select to play through at the loudest volume possible, ignoring how painful it was to his ears.

            Kei counted the song’s beats, trying to match up his breathing to them, but it didn’t work. He fell to the floor, back against his bed, and curled into a ball, head ducked behind his knees, eyes squeezed shut. His nails dug into his knees.

            _I’m going. I’m going. I’m going. I’m going. I’m going. I’m going. I’mgoing.I’mgoing.I’mgoing.I’mgoing.Going.Going.Going._

            Gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE ANGST. What I imagine happens after this is Tsukishima eventually decides to pursue volleyball in university, with a good major in case it doesn’t work out so he has a sense of comfort. Yamaguchi goes to teach, because having learned from Shimada influenced him to want to teach others. They get together after graduation and buy each other rings that Tsukishima refuses to wear on his finger and instead keeps on a chain close to his heart. They live together in Tokyo and everything works out fine. But the angst comes first.  
> Catch me on my tumblr [kinghinatatobio](http://kinghinatatobio.tumblr.com) or on [twitter](http://twitter.com/kinghinatatobio)!


End file.
